Dear Gabby,
Happy Thanksgiving, little one. I've thought about you a lot today. Today would have been your first Thanksgiving. Time to dress you up in your 'gobble gobble' bib and take a gazillion pictures of you.
Daddy and I have a lot to be thankful for everyday. We have a great family. A very strong marriage. Your smart and hilarious older brother. Your brother or sister on the way. Our beautiful home. These are just a few of the many things that we are thankful for.
At the same time, I want more. I want you and Ryan with us. I've been told before since we've lost you that I should be grateful for what I do have.... but does that mean that all of the blessings that we DO have are supposed to in some way make up for not having you? Just because I mourn does not mean I am ungrateful b any means.
I've learned through grief that it is very possible to realize your blessings and be grateful for them, yet still miss and want back what has been taken from you. I think that is normal and natural. The pain I feel over missing you and Ryan does not at all take away from how much I love your older brother and am so blessed to have him or any of the many other wonderful things that I've been given. It simply means that you are and will always be a piece of me that is missing.
And so today I want to say that as much as I would do anything to have you and Ryan with us, I am grateful for the amount of time I was blessed to have you and Ryan here with me. I am so thankful for the wonderful groups and women I have met through this whole process. I have made new friends, realized some of my own strengths, realized the strength of my marriage, and brought other relationships to a stronger level. As devastating as this nightmare has been, there has been some light in other forms through it all.
So thank you to you and your brother for teaching me a whole new way to love.... to love someone you've never held and never seen, but have loved unconditionally from the split second I knew you.
Momma
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