As I just typed out our horrifying experience in the emergency room when we discovered our daughter's heart was no longer beating, it brings me to the question of why I am here writing this blog.
And so.... here goes.
The death of my daughter and my son has taught me so many life lessons. It's made me aware of the baby loss community and the lack of not only awareness and understanding but lack of respect from the general population.
All forms of baby loss have been going on for centuries. It's even mentioned in the Old Testament. If it's such a "fact of life" as the medical community likes to say, then why is it something that so many are afraid to talk about?
Did you know that 1 in 4 women has experienced some form of baby loss, whether it be a tubal pregnancy, chemical pregnancy, molar pregnancy, miscarriage, stillbirth, death after the baby's birth, or SIDS and others? 1 in 4. That's quite a ratio. Think of your three closest friends of family members. The statistics state that 1 in 4 of you will experience the loss of your child. Wow. Even more shocking... 80 people EVERY SINGLE HOUR have experienced baby loss. That's just in the U.S. alone.
As I will take from a baby loss friend of mine, and Jaime I hope you do not mind,
1 in 4 will win prizes through McDonald's Monopoly this year!!! 1 in 4 women will lose a baby. It is very common to go through McDonald's and win a medium order of fries, but have you ever thought that the same chances to win at McDonald's add up to the same to lose a baby? (((1 in 4))) - In loving memory of Sydney
Notice how the slogan is talking about everyone's great chances to win a prize.... you have a 25% chance to win!!!.
Imagine how the 25% of us feel that have not been on the winning side of the pregnancy game. We haven't received the prize of going home with our children. We haven't had the pleasure of watching them grow.
I write this with no intention of scaring anyone. That is absolutely not what I am aiming for. I write simply to make you aware that baby loss is REAL.
And it doesn't just affect women. It affects men as well.
And it hurts. More than words can ever say. It is a pain like none other that turns your world upside down and makes you question everything.... God, nature, your self, others, humanity in general.
I write this to help other women know that they are not alone. Our stories are all individual, just as we are all individuals, but there is a similar message. The heartache, the questioning, the grief, and the loneliness. Wanting others to speak of your children to you and wanting to speak of your babies to others without them changing the subject or acting strange. Wanting to be open about how you are feeling instead of putting on a front just for the comfort of others. Wanting to crawl in a hole somedays, and others wanting to proclaim to the world that you are so proud of your little one in heaven.
I want to address all of these feelings, because believe me I have felt and continue to feel them. I also want the story of my daughter and son to not be just of sadness and grief, pain and suffering. I want to share the beauty of them, the joy they brought and continue to bring, and the peace and love that I have experienced because of them.
There is a common misconception that speaking to someone about their child that has died will bring back bad memories or pain. These parents think of their sweet innocent babies each and everyday. Speaking to parents that have lost does not necessarily make them cry out of sadness, but it also can make them cry out of joy that someone else has remembered their child. There are such things as happy tears.
We are all children of God, no matter how small. We all started off the same way. Do not discredit these grieving parents.... and parents, please do not live in fear of making someone else uncomfortable. Just as Colin is very much a part of me, Gabrielle and Ryan are too.
Hugs to all
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