20 weeks

Not too long ago, Bob and Michelle Duggar went in for their anatomy scan, only to find their baby girl no longer had a beating heart. They planned a beautiful memorial service to honor their little one, who they named Jubilee Shalom, and at that service had very tasteful pictures of her. For some reason, these pictures spread like wild fire and with them came much criticism. It was very difficult for me to see and hear such terrible things said about this family as they suffered such a great loss. In many ways blaming the Duggars for what had happened, and saying that the child was better off in the grave than with them, completely infuriated me. The focus lost all priority: instead of being on an innocent life that was taken too soon, it became a personal bashing fest of the entire Duggar family. Regardless of how someone feels about the way they choose to live their lives, or how many children they decide to create, why couldn't a simple sentiment of "this family is grieving the death of their child" take the forefront?

Saying that a picture of Jubilee's perfect tiny feet is "morbid" and "disgusting" literally makes me ill. I can promise you one thing: if I would have been in their position I would have done the exact same thing. Their home will never be filled with baby pictures of Jubilee, or her first birthday, or her first day of school, or her prom, or her wedding. This is the only picture they have to remember her by. Shame on people for being so critical, especially considering they have never been in this position. Like I've said many times, if you don't like it, then don't look at it. Pretty simple.

Mark and I were watching TV last night after Colin had gone to bed and had the TLC channel on. During the commercial break a season preview of the Duggars came on and it was very upsetting to me for a multitude of reasons. One, they found out Jubilee had passed at their ultrasound, which Mark and I just had ours 5 days ago. Two, seeing her and Bob crying reminded me all over again of laying in the emergency room with my husband and begging and pleading with God to wake me up from my nightmare. I don't expect people to understand who haven't had to experience something like this, but I would expect a little humanity and respect.

Tomorrow is also my fellow BLM friend's daughter's 3rd birthday in heaven. Sydney was born at 20 weeks and lived for two hours. Sydney's mother has taken the trajedy and the pain of her death and has decided to do something with it... she is such an advocate for baby loss families and an amazing support system. Her strength in fighting for her daughter's memory is truly inspirational. So Sydney, happy happy birthday sweet baby. You are so very loved.